God Bless Carrie Prejean. A lifelong battle with retardation did not deter this courageous woman from participating in shallow, uninteresting, largely uneventful, and certainly irrelevant beauty pageants. She took a cue from her brave, WWII-fighting grandfather and fought for the rights of bigots to carry on their homophobia in all corners of the country by answering a question in the Miss USA contest, whose viewership are the morbidly obese Wal-Mart shoppers in the Mid-Western fly over states, those devout followers of the Magical Sky Father (TM). How dare these people in the media try to opress her, denying her the right to free speech by criticizing something she says! Because, as we all know, free speech means never having to defend your idiotic statements. Why, you would think she accused her opponents of being in league of Satan on some Bible-thumping idiot's radio show! OH WAIT. Seriously, though, Carrie Prejean. Honey, just go back to applying your makeup. Yes, nobody should have been surprised when a beauty contestant said something dopey about a hot-button issue. Nobody should have cared. Nobody should even know who you are. It was wrong for that lame celebrity addict Perez Hilton to ask you a question like that, which was obviously to trap you into his own wave of faux fame. You should have been diplomatic and said, "Different strokes for different folks." As it is, though, really. Go back to being pretty. Nobody is paying attention to what you have to say. I think you can tell that they're not making eye contact. God bless America. - Penguin Truth (2009)
